NYC Marathon 2008- Not so Fun

Mile 11/12 - 19:09 (9:35 pace, 2nd Gu)

Mile 13 - 9:43

Mile 14 - 10:19

Mile 15 - 10:59 Queensboro Bridge

This is where the melt down began, and became complete.  I am racking my brain to remember, but I have no idea what happened between miles 12 and 13.  I was still feeling fine physically.  I was actually excited- at 20k, I knew I was right on pace for a 1:57/1:58ish half and was elated at how little effort it had taken.  However, something happened between 20 and 21k.

I just don't remember WHAT.

My hip hurt, but it has been hurting all day. I just got a similar feeling to my last half marathon- I just wanted to stop.  Then I got down on myself for wanting to stop.  Then I started thinking about excuses for stopping.  Then I got more angry with myself.  And my pace began to slow.

I made a deal with myself around mile 14.  I would run to my friends, who were planning on cheering at mile 15, right before the turn onto the Queensboro Bridge.  I would let myself stop and chat with them, stretch a bit and regroup before the bridge.  It was a great deal.  Until I didn't see them.  Apparently, they saw me, but I didn't see them, and I think this is where the mental breakdown was  just about complete and took over my body.  I knew the rest of my friends were waiting between miles 18-19, but that seemed to be an eternity away.

The Queensboro Bridge was the longest, loneliest and most painful mile of my life (wow, that sounds dramatic, but I've only been running for 4 years, so I think it's actually possible).  The climb seemed to go on forever, it was so quiet and I began to talk myself into quitting.  I told myself I would run until I saw my friends at 78th Street, then I would stop.  I looked forward to the crest of the bridge so I could use the downhill as a little break.  Yea, right.  The downhill of the Queensboro Bridge hurt my hip more than anything all day, and I had to settle for a hobble/ walk down the bridge into Manhattan.  I was totally out of it.  This was supposed to be the best part of the day, making the turn into Manhattan and running up First Ave.  And all I wanted to do was stop.  So I did....

Mile 16 - 11:07

Mile 17 - 11:04 

Mile 18 - 11:31

Mile 19 - 11:42

Mile 20 - 11:30

...At the Medical Tent located right after the Bridge, on 59th street I think.  I asked for Tylenol (I had a friend waiting with Tylenol at Mile 19.  In retrospect, I should have carried my own and taken it right when the breakdown started, if not before).  The medic gave me ONE Tylenol.  Said I could only have one.  I responded 

"How do I quit this thing?"

He informed me that there were buses right at 60th that would transport me to the finish.  I told him, no, I wanted to quit around 80th street, were there buses there?  He laughed and sent me on my way.

I knew I had 1 mile to my friends.  At 78th Street I didn't see them.  There was a water stop, porta potties, but no friends.  I didn't need water, I didn't need to go to the bathroom- I needed to see my friends, and they weren't there.  I almost totally lost it.  One group of friends were between 79th and 80th- They screamed my name and I have never been so relieved.  I could now quit.  Ha.

Not so much.  I couldn't even look at them without tears welling up (as they do now).  I was so disappointed in myself (which is CRAZY bc I at this point I really hadn't even slowed down that much!  so amazing how mental this as well, looking back).  They reminded me of the hard work I had put  in,  and that it was supposed to hurt.  They said I was doing so well (ha b/c the athlete alert was delayed and they were still getting my sub 9 splits, bless their hearts!) 

Another group of friends were about a half block north.  This is my friend who I went down to MCM last weekend with.  I cried more.  She offered me a mimosa.  I declined.  They all looked SO happy to see me and SO excited for me, and all I felt was that I was disappointing them.  And there was a barrier between the sidewalk and the street, and I couldn't get out.  So I kept on running.

More friends at 92nd.  I stopped and chatted.  This was around Mile 18.  One friend shouted "You've only got 6 left!"  This made me think for a moment I could still get under 4 hours.  Then I wanted to kill her.  She apologized later, even though I had forgotten :)

More friends around 100th.  I stopped and walked at this point and took two more Tylenol.  At this point I think I finally realized I was going to finish.   

At Mile 20, you cross the Willis Ave Bridge (or something like that), and are in the Bronx for about a mile.  On the end of the bridge, while I was still busy feeling sorry for myself and not focusing on running, I tripped and almost face planted.  I scared the shit out of myself and caught my fall with my bad leg.  This FREAKED me out and I had to stop and take a few deep breaths.  I was worried I may have hurt my leg.  But this almost seemed to snap me out of my funk, as well.  

I realized "What the hell am I doing?!"   I was missing it.  All this time, all this training, and I was MISSING IT.  For the next mile I talked myself into running the rest of the miles, only walking at water stops.  I found a comfortable pace, with no need to push it at this point, and focused on finishing mile 20, getting back into Manhattan and into Central Park.